Mental Health

Kathy

Reprinted from the Housing as a Human Right issue of Visions Journal, 2022, 17 (2), pp. 25-26

A couple of weeks before Christmas in 2003 I found myself making a big decision—I had found a condo I planned to buy. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was the right place for me. It was a spacious two-bedroom in a good location.

All of the pieces quickly fell into place. Since my move to BC I had been renting a nice apartment close to my workplace, but purchasing the condo on my own would be the next phase of my housing journey. Little did I know, my life was about to undergo significant change that I could not have imagined.

A month before my move I began to feel depressed. My body hurt and my mood was declining, even as I worked with families and community agencies—a career I absolutely enjoyed. However, I was experiencing bullying at work by my supervisor. Even as I succeeded and received excellent feedback from families and community partners, I experienced more harassment and bullying. I decided I should see my GP. She placed me on an antidepressant and continues to support me to this day, for which I am eternally grateful. I wish everyone could have a GP like mine!

Packing to move proved difficult. Because I was not feeling well, I was not as organized as I would have liked and packed as quickly as I could, tossing items into boxes, many unorganized. I also had to deal with the bank, the notary and all the needed paperwork. Since I was not feeling well, it was a bit stressful.

Moving day came. I can’t remember much of it, but I was happy to finally move into my new home. I was content to be there, to set up the apartment and to live in a good neighbourhood.

Unfortunately, I continued to feel depressed. My doctor referred me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. This was not a total surprise. As a teenager, I had had an episode of depression, but it had resolved without medication, and I continued to do well after that, obtaining a college diploma, certificate and university degree. The psychiatrist prescribed lithium and then became unavailable for appointments. I was left without a specialist.

As the bullying at work continued, my health continued to decline. I had to go on medical leave and eventually changed jobs. Unfortunately, I become sick less than a year after starting that work. I eventually found a psychiatrist who specialized in mood disorders and was properly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which later turned into rapid cycling bipolar 1 disorder. I had hospital stays. I also got pressure from work to know what I was dealing with. Due to concerns about stigma and confidentiality, I did not inform them the nature of my illness. As it continued, I ended up on long-term disability.

The most challenging aspect of my journey occurred when I would become manic. I would go on buying sprees, purchasing things here and there rather than a bunch of big-ticket items. Energy would burst through me, and I would get a thrill from buying things I wanted and, in many cases, didn’t really need. I began to accumulate items and my once-organized home became cluttered. I have been working on this and have made some good progress, donating some items and even hiring a professional organizer, but I’m not completely there yet—well, at least for a perfectionist.

Throughout my time away from work I became very unwell. I began receiving treatment in a short-stay emergency mental health residence and hospital. I don’t know how I survived—likely by my faith and the support of friends and relatives. It was a very chaotic time. I had many admissions, during which I did not ask friends to check on my place. I didn’t want to tell people that I was in the hospital because of the stigma. As I live alone, I had to manage my place and finances. Anything could have happened, but thankfully it didn’t.

I was somehow able to keep up with my bills and regular management of my place. However, I was gradually accumulating debt and things began to decline financially. I began using my line of credit to pay bills.

The shopping continued and so did the debt. I finally realized I needed help. I set up an appointment with a financial advisor at my bank. We transferred my credit line debt into my mortgage payments. Although not ideal, it is making it much easier to pay down the mortgage. We arranged my mortgage payments to happen on a semi-monthly basis to help with budgeting and cash flow.

I now have a lot of equity in the ownership of my condo, which I’m pleased about. I would not be able to afford a condo in my building or elsewhere today, given the rise in housing costs and my fixed income. Thankfully, I am able to afford my strata fees, as they are lower than average. The bank says I am doing well financially compared to many other clients they work with. During this time of COVID-19, I have been able to save on expenses, as I have not been going out as much to socialize with friends.

I am quite happy with how I am doing overall, especially in my health. My current psychiatrist is at UBC.  He is extremely knowledgeable, caring, understanding and an excellent clinician. He has made some positive changes to my treatment and, as I write this, I can proudly say that I have been in a sustained period of wellness for a year now. While my illness has been classified as “brittle” and treatment-resistant, I’m hoping that will change over time.

I’m not happy that I got into financial difficulties, but now that my mood is stabilized, I’m not spending money like I used to and I can enjoy my home more. I’ve been able to carry out some renovations that make it more enjoyable. I can imagine hosting people in the future.

I am also grateful for my health professionals, along with relatives and friends who always support me. Although I never would have foreseen the path my life has taken, I am happy that I have made it through some very challenging times and that I have been able to maintain my home.