Visions Journal

Elisabeth Cooke, BA, JD Law

Reprinted from the Is It Safe to Be Me? Creating inclusive and accessible workspaces issue of Visions Journal, 2024, 20 (1), pp. 26-27

I have the privilege of representing my true self personally and professionally. I have always lived in urban areas of Canada, though my travels and adventures have taken me to further-flung places to live and work, such as Australia and Southeast Asia. I have had access to excellent education, financial support, advice and mentorship, and many other resources and supports—the list goes on. I have been learning to unpack my privilege, to see where it is, where it comes from and what to do about it.

So even though I'm in my mid-forties and I have been a lesbian–the 'L' in the 2SLGBTQAI+ community—for pretty much all that time, my sexual orientation hasn’t really held me back. Or maybe it has, and I haven't realized it. I'm certainly more outwardly aware of my sexuality now that I'm married and have children.

I work in the field of diversity, equity and inclusion, where my lived experience gives me added insights and an advantage when understanding what goes on for equity-deserving groups. Because of who I am, I do my job in a different way from some of my peers. I see inclusion enriching the lives of everyone—not just marginalized people—and I regularly bring in personal examples of what diversity means to me.

Stories about the ridiculous things people say to me: "Maybe you just haven't met the right guy." Or pointing out the biases I realize I have, like assuming all the other kids at the park have a mother and father and not same-sex parents. Being able to make a joke and express how I see myself making judgments and having biases, even though I'm a member of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. I find it helps people take their guard down and enjoy the journey on the path to creating a more inclusive community.

I care about what I do for a living. I care about the outcomes of my clients and customers. Not only because it reflects on us as a company, but because I truly believe that advancing dignity is the right thing to do. I think my personal experience and passion have contributed to my success.

I spend every day at Dignii providing advice and expertise to leaders in government and companies across Canada on how to advance dignity. Our software gives our clients the metrics—the baseline evidence—to understand who they employ and what they experience at work. My professional reputation is enriched by my academic achievements, expertise and experience advising clients for over 15 years. I feel exceptionally lucky to be able to do something I care about for a living. I also err on the side of humour to redirect difficult conversations, and I feel very comfortable speaking to large groups.

Now, that doesn't mean things have been easy. I have to come out to people every time I meet someone new. I field questions and queries about my personal life and decisions that my heteronormative (straight) friends would never get. Things like:

• Are you sure you're gay? (a personal favourite)

• How do you divide up chores in your house?

• How did you have kids? (Newsflash: there are many ways to make a family!)

Thankfully I'm not bothered by these questions, and I manage to answer them in a way that is informative but also lets people know that the question is probably something they shouldn’t ask someone else. I respond with answers like:

• Are you sure you're straight?

• Usually equally, but if I can pay someone to do it, I will.

• We had kids because we wanted kids, and we made it happen. (Sometimes this is followed by "How did you have kids? Can you tell me exactly how it happened?" which leads people to realize how personal the question is.)

For the most part I can turn those moments into learning experiences. Professionally, this is generally the goal. And using humour makes those moments much lighter and easier to address. Sometimes, especially if I'm giving a presentation, someone challenges me or wants to debate for the sake of arguing. Thankfully I have a Juris Doctor of Law and two younger brothers, so I'm well versed with those situations and can disarm them.

I embrace the opportunity to represent my community. Representation of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community has lagged, historically. Or we have painted people into stereotypical supporting roles, for example, in TV and film. The lesbian gym teacher, the gay best friend and, disturbingly, the victim of a crime have become classic examples. Today we are seeing much better representation across media and throughout our culture. We see the 2SLGBTQIA+ community represented in films for who they are as a whole person, not for their sexual orientation or gender identity.

I consider it another form of privilege to be able to share who I am and be seen by others. Visibility is helpful, particularly for younger people. But it also helps their parents and others in the community. This is especially true since my wife and I had kids. Instead of being "diverse" because I'm gay, I can be "diverse" as representing many different things all at once. A mother, a wife, a business owner, a settler, a lawyer and a woman with an incredibly dry sense of humour that, frankly, is only getting drier.

Importance of diversity of experience cannot be overstated—but you should look out for it.