My journey aging out of foster care in BC in the nineties
Reprinted from the Out of Sight, Out of Mind: The unseen reality of hidden homelessness issue of Visions Journal, 2024, 20 (2), pp. 23-24
Turning 18 should have been a celebration, a milestone marking my entry into adulthood. Instead, it felt like being pushed off a cliff. On my birthday, I aged out of the foster care system and found myself without a safety net.1
The foster home I had been living in could no longer keep me, and I had no family to fall back on. Suddenly, I was responsible for finding a place to live, a job and a way to support myself—all with very little guidance or support.
The battle for a stable life
Finding a place to live was my first challenge. With no savings and little knowledge of how to navigate the rental market, I quickly realized how difficult it was to secure housing. I ended up living in a house with four other youths. It was not a healthy environment for someone so young with few stable living skills. It was basically a party house, a place for other displaced youth to crash. My solution to getting out of this environment was to move in with my boyfriend. This led to other challenges down the road.
Employment was another uphill battle. I had limited work experience and no professional network to tap into. The jobs I managed to get were unstable, with low pay. I remember working multiple part-time jobs just to make ends meet.
Back in high school, when I’d taken aptitude tests to explore career choices, social work or social services had always come up on top. But I was discouraged from pursuing this path because I was told it would retraumatize me. While I dreamed of continuing my education, the reality of my situation made it seem impossible. My schooling had been disrupted by multiple foster placements, leaving me with gaps in my education.
I only remember seeing a guidance counsellor in high school when I was in trouble. I don’t ever recall anyone looking into the cause of my behaviours. I just hadn’t related to my peers in school and I never saw an educational future for myself.
I eventually found a program that allowed me to upgrade my work experience skills and get into a better work situation. This gave me independence from income assistance I’d received leaving foster care. Even then, when I brought up the idea of further education, my social worker couldn't take the time to invest in me and help me understand my options. This lack of support and guidance led to missed opportunities that could have provided a more stable and hopeful future.
Psychological struggles
The emotional toll of aging out of foster care was immense. I carried the weight of past traumas, including neglect and abuse. The abrupt transition to independence intensified feelings of isolation and abandonment. Turning to alcohol was one way I coped, but I also turned to many toxic, unhealthy relationships seeking love and security. Without access to mental health services, I struggled with anxiety and depression on my own. There were days when the loneliness was almost unbearable and I felt like I was drowning in my circumstances.
It’s clear that the system was ill-equipped to support youths aging out of foster care. I do not remember a single resource provided to me. This lack left many of us to fend for ourselves in a world we were not ready to face.
In time I discovered a resilience within myself that I never knew existed. Despite the hardships, I found strength in my ability to adapt. I learned to navigate community resources, like food banks and employment services. I also found comfort in connecting with others who’d aged out of foster care. We formed a tight-knit group, sharing resources, advice and emotional support. These relationships became a lifeline and probably saved me from making dangerous choices in pursuing security.
The power of peer support, especially from those with lived experiences, cannot be overstated. Until recently, this power was often overlooked, but people are increasingly recognizing its value. The ability of lived-experience workers to provide guidance is invaluable for people navigating similar challenges.
Peer support programs can also help with housing stability for youth aging out of the foster system. By connecting young adults with mentors who’ve lived through similar transitions, they can build life skills and better access housing resources, reducing the risk of homelessness.
Empowering others
Today, many years later, I am proud to work at an organization that recognizes the power and value of lived experiences. I’m finally where I was meant to be and can contribute most. Our staff, many of whom have personal histories similar to mine, are recognized as experts. We have an incredible ability to connect with and inspire others. I often wish I had been exposed to this level of support and mentorship earlier. The encouragement we provide makes a significant difference in the lives of those we serve, helping them build a brighter future.
There are also more supports in place to help those aging out of foster care, including rent subsidies and educational supports.2 My hope is that high schools are educating those who can benefit from these resources.
Resilience and hope
Reflecting on my journey, I see a story of transformation and growth. My experience underscores the need for comprehensive support systems for youths aging out of foster care. Continued efforts are necessary to ensure these young adults are not left to navigate adulthood alone. Education, mentorship and mental health services are critical components of a support network that can empower them to succeed.
As I contribute to the field of social services, I’m reminded of the importance of advocating for these resources and supporting each individual's unique journey. My story is one of survival and triumph, and it is my hope that it can inspire others to persevere and find their own paths to success.
To youth, I’d say believe in yourself, dream big and know that anything is possible. There are many opportunities out there, and the more you explore, the more you’ll learn about yourself. Stay curious and keep learning.
About the author
Nicole, who aged out of foster care in BC, has worked in Vancouver’s non-profit sector for 16 years. She draws from 15 years of substance recovery and personal life experience to support vulnerable individuals. Her journey highlights community strength, peer support and the power of perseverance
Footnotes:
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The age limit for foster care in BC was raised to 21 from 19 years old in 2022. My case was unique because the foster home I was in was shutting down when I was turning 18.
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See the Strengthening Abilities and Journeys of Empowerments (SAJE) program overview, at agedout.com/news/saje-is-here-expanded-eligibility-income-support-and-more
