Rising from the ashes of abuse
Reprinted from the Out of Sight, Out of Mind: The unseen reality of hidden homelessness issue of Visions Journal, 2024, 20 (2), pp. pp. 25-27
In the serene beauty of Cates Park, a quiet respite from the chaos of urban life in North Vancouver, I find peace. This tranquil setting, with its birdsong and seasonal bounty of berries, contrasts starkly with my daily reality. I’ve tried Walmart parking lots and side streets, struggling to find a stable place to escape the construction chaos of the city.
Embarrassed to call friends, my family unable to support me due to lack of room and finances, I’m left with few options or choices for places to stay. I go wherever I feel safest, even if it has to be in my van. My story of family violence and its profound impact on my life, housing and health is a testament to resilience in the face of relentless adversity.
My journey into this turbulent chapter began on June 19, 2020, when I discovered my fiancé's affair with my sister. This betrayal led to a sudden and brutal eviction, leaving me to live in my van. Despite securing legal support to claim my rights, my troubles were far from over. What followed was a harrowing four-year battle. Throughout that period, I experienced painful accusations and legal exchanges. My daughter’s eating disorder started here—she never ate fruit or veggie again. And in the end, I lost custody.
The financial burden of this ordeal was immense. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on lawyers and court fees, borrowing from banks and family members to fund my defence. My primary focus was to protect my children and ensure their right to be with their mother, a fight that bankrupted me emotionally, mentally and financially. Destitution can happen when you fight like I have—to the very best of your ability.
The situation escalated on July 9, 2023. A fire broke out where I was living after I left for a brief vacation. I had no rental insurance and I was not on the insurance policy. I lost everything. The timing couldn't have been worse, as it coincided with a court decision that further limited my time with my children to just one night a week. Moving from house to house after that was, at times, extremely embarrassing and could make me feel hopeless. It led to a loss of my sense of creativity, and I’ve been stuck in survival mode.
Amid this chaos, I’ve also found a spiritual awakening. The clear spiritual attack on my innocence led me back to God, and I embarked on a journey of self-love and healing. I immersed myself in yoga training, dialectical behaviour therapy and mental health programs, tapping into every available community resource and free therapy. My goal was simple: to break the cycle of abuse and protect my children, ensuring they do not inherit the pain and trauma that marked my life.
This journey has not been easy. The necessities of shelter and food became daily struggles. The Harvest Project, in North Vancouver, has been the number one support for me. They are more than a food bank. They coach clients and listen.
My health deteriorated. I experienced extreme fatigue, hair loss, chronic pain, inflammation, insomnia and post-traumatic stress disorder. The fear of what could happen next looms over me, a constant shadow.
Despite these challenges, I refuse to let this situation define or destroy me. I have been forged in a foundry, the stuff metal is made from, emerging stronger and more determined. The love for my children and the desire to create a safe, nurturing environment for them is my guiding force. This ordeal has stripped me of material attachments, leaving me with a profound understanding of life's true meaning: love. Humbled from the ashes of my life.
I try to be one percent better than yesterday and focus on goals. Yoga has helped me with my pain, my emotional intelligence and coping. My advice to others is to focus on your mental health and to start a spiritual practice.
In the end, love is the answer. It is the force that sustains me, driving me to heal and fight for a better future for myself and my children. My story is one of survival, resilience and the unbreakable bond of a mother's love. As I continue this journey, I remain hopeful, knowing that every challenge overcome brings me closer to peace and healing.
Related Resources
Visit the Harvest Project website, at harvestproject.org.
About the author
Kirstin, a resilient single mom of two, has been a certified dental assistant for 15 years. Raised in North Vancouver, she navigates challenging circumstances, including litigation and housing instability. Her journey through family violence has ignited a passion for healing to support her children. This starts with healing herself
