At First
On this page: |
Nothing makes sense.
You think you won't survive.
Somewhere deep down you know the reality,
but on the surface it is unbelievable, unbelievable.
You may sense a small relief as now the worst imaginable has happened.
There will be no more unrelenting, debilitating worry,
but then there's guilt at the sense of relief.
You sleep away the days or you can't sleep,
you question your god, your own intelligence, your memory,
you may lose your appetite or the will to even drink water,
you feel exhausted all the time
you feel out of control, ungrounded,
or you may wish for total control over your environment
All these things, and sometimes all at once.
Then
You want everything back to the way it was—house clean and orderly, work, bills, laundry
but you find you have a new job now: obituary, funeral plans, condolence cards, visitors,
the loved one's possessions, official business with the hospital, the coroner, the police.
Grief may hide behind the door for a moment or an hour,
but it never walks away.
—Leslie McBain
About this handbook
This handbook was written by the BC Centre on Substance Use in collaboration with the BC Bereavement Helpline and the Affected Persons Liaison with the BC Coroners Service. The handbook was created with the guidance of Leslie McBain and Jennifer Woodside, who generously shared their stories and experiences and what they wish they had known in the immediate days after they lost children to drug-related harms, as well as what they wished they had known in the months and years after.
The BC Centre on Substance Use
The BC Centre on Substance Use (BCCSU) is a new provincially networked resource with a mandate to develop, implement and evaluate evidence-based approaches to substance use and addiction. The BCCSU's focus is on three strategic areas including research and evaluation, education and training, and clinical care guidance. With the support of the province of British Columbia, the BCCSU aims to help establish world leading educational, research and public health, and clinical practices across the spectrum of substance use. Although physically located in Vancouver, the BCCSU is a provincially networked resource for researchers, educators, and care providers as well as people who use substances, family advocates, support groups, and the recovery community.
Acknowledgements
The BC Centre on Substance Use would like to thank Leslie McBain for sharing her story and experience and guiding the creation of this handbook; Jennifer Woodside and Emily Chase for sharing their stories; and the BCCSU Family Member and Caregiver Representatives Committee for their support and close review of the document. The BCCSU also wishes to thank the following individuals for their contributions to the development and completion of the handbook: Aubrey Baldock and Jessica Lowe for sharing their considerable knowledge and experience in supporting bereaved individuals; Josey Ross for primary research and writing assistance and Katie Mai for additional writing support and coordination; Kenneth Tupper for supervision and editorial support; and Kevin Hollett for design support.
Table of contents
Introduction
If you're reading this, you have likely just lost someone you love to an overdose or other harms from opioid, alcohol, or other substance use. Nothing can undo the tragedy, devastation, and pain of this loss, but you are not alone. In the following pages, you will find some of the emotions and responses you may experience, tips to take care of yourself, and practical considerations in the wake of this tragedy. You will also find stories from people who have lost loved ones. Some of the information in this booklet might not feel relevant or helpful to you. The booklet as a whole may feel overwhelming right now. We encourage you to take what works and leave what doesn't. There might just be one section that is useful now.
